Avatar(2009) Review - 4/5

Damn ..
its been quite a while since a film got me sooooo hooked onto the screen, i totally forgot everything around me.
Seriously.. this film takes visual effects and animation to not just a whole new level..
but to a whole damn planet!!

Visually alone, I'd rate this film a 5/5 ..

Basic Plot !!!!:

So like, there's this guy named Jake .. an ex-marine whos now lost the abilities in both his legs. He is brought to this planet called Pandora, which is inhabited by the Na'vi, a humanoid race with their own language and culture.
Jake's brother was this scientist guy who was working on the 'Avatar' project.
And now that his bro was killed in a war accident, Jake is brought in to replace his bro since both apparently have a similar genome.

Apparently there's this rare mineral available on Pandora that sells for millions of dollars and the rich corporate guys want to mine it. Unfortunately, the largest collection of it lies directly under the homes of the people of the planet the Na'vi.
So its the jobs of Jake(his avatar actually) to try to convince the Na'vi to move out before the military is brought in.
bla bla bla.. (dint wanna say the entire story :P)
and he ends up fighting for the Na'vi people instead, who finally beat the humans at their own game.

Now the story isn't exactly unheard of, so the usual "corporate guys want land... natives wont give land" situation goes on. And the military is brought in as a last resort in case a diplomatic means to relocate the Na'vi cant be found.

As Jake gets his first look at his own Avatar, we learn about the program itself.

Humans are unable to breathe Pandora's air, but the Avatar Program enables people to link with their own Avatar, a genetically-bred human-Na'vi hybrid. Through his Avatar body, Jake will be able to walk again.

Well, like i said, its not exactly a story u haven't seen before, but it IS still a must-watch film.

The animators managed to create a planet unlike u would've ever imagined in your wildest dreams. filled with flora, fauna, weather etc.

I can just go on and on and on and on about how beautiful the world of Pandora is, but one must watch it first hand to see what it is.
However i would definitely advice u to watch it on a bigger screen rather than some cheap tiny theater like i was forced to :(
It's a movie going experience that mustn't be missed.

It's like the 1st time I've seen a film in which one could feel connected to its animated protagonists. The animators literally brought life into the Na'vi and all the living things on Pandora.
The animals, the birds, the plants, the waterfalls and everything on Pandora will just take your breath away. At times its hard to imagine that these images are actually entirely computer generated.

The motion capture technology is like ... OMGWTFOUTOFTHISWORLD..
it makes the movements and emotions of the Na'vi almost lifelike.. if not perfect. Their movements are fluid.
The jumps, their hair in the wind, their eyes, every damn thing was done to make em seem and feel real, and by god have they done it.
Though the script may be run down, but the reason why this film would hit u is cuz u can actually connect and feel that the Na'vi are people too.


Much like his last film, Titanic, the basic plot of Avatar is simple and predictable even, but look out for the various allusions and messages that Cameron sneaks in. You cannot miss the film's obvious reference to America's wrongful invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, or America's callous treatment towards its indigenous races. The warning bells about the repercussions of destroying nature are also too loud to ignore.
-Rajeev Masand

Pay attention to what James Cameron has done with his truly spectacular looking Avatar. This, my friends, is the right way to create a 3D film experience.
-Kit Bowen (The Movie Kit)

Rajeev Masand's review pretty much sums up whatever i wud've liked to say about the film.
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/masands-movie-review-avatar-cinematic-event-of-this-generation/107384-8.html

could still go on and on about the film, but it would suffice to say:-
definitely by far THE BEST MOVIE GOING EXPERIENCE i've ever had..
and after The Dark Knight.. this would definitely be my 2nd fav film of the yr.

GG mr. cameron... u've returned with yet another epic!!

Death Race (2008) Review - 3/5

Another example of a classic "GUY" movie ..
About the plot.. there's very little to speak of.
The movie is all about, 'how much vehicle damage can u cause in 1.5 hours'..

Totally fun watch with friends.

**SPOILER ALERT**

Jason Statham plays the lead (name i dont remember), who is sent to Terminal Island, a prison where all the hardened criminals r placed after he ws wrongly accused of killin his wife.

Oh, and also the year is 2012, where the whole world is fuckd up and people used to watch gladiator sports featuring 'Terminal Island' prisoners... but eventually, ppl got bored, and thus DEATH RACE was born.

Its basically a 3 day race, first 2 days u just need to survive the others and cross the finish line.. 3rd day is when u race... winner wins his freedom.

There ws this racer named 'Frankenstein' who wears a mask n ws really popular with d TV fans, but he ends up dead after a race. his death was covered up, and the head of the prison gets Statham to act as Franki, cuz both wer gr8 drivers.
As usual, first he disagrees, then he follows with d plan, and since he wears a mask, every1 thinks Frankenstein returns aftr his accident.

So race goes on .. all other competitors, except Franki and the guy who killed the real Franki r left.
just b4 the final race ends, both manage to blow up a hole in a wall, in the building where the race is held, and they escape out after a long chase with more stuff blowing up ..
Finally both escape n every1 is happy..

Also in between, Natalie martinez is there.. just for show.. :P

watch it if ur hungry for some adrenalin pumping race action with explosions n stuff pretty much in every scene..
\m/

i'd rate it 3/5 .. purely for the fun factor.. ^_^

Twitter rulzzZ ...

Been sooooo long since i posted some sh*t here ... and the main reason for that is the 1 and only blog killer .. TWITTER !!!

www.twitter.com/ajphoenix is where u need to go 2 know wht im doin rite now..
:P

Jeff Dunham Achmed’s “Jingle Bombs” lyrics

Dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back.
I have a nasty plan
for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A,
but not through checkpoint B.
That’s when I got shot in the ass
by the US Military…

[it's not funny!]

Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Mine blew up you see.
Where are all the virgins
that Bin Laden promised me?
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
U.S. soldiers shot me dead.
The only thing that I have left
is this towel up on my head.

I used to be a man,
but every time I cough,
thanks to Uncle Sam,
my nuts keep falling off.
My bombing days are done.
I need to find some work.
Perhaps it would be much safer
as a convenient store night clerk.

Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
I think I got screwed.
Don’t laugh at me because I’m dead
or I’ll kill you…

I KILL YOUOUOU!

Metal Heads !!!!

There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castleguarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.

* POWER METAL The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

*BLACK METAL The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* GRIND METAL The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

* DOOM METAL The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

*GOTHIC METAL The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* INDUSTRIAL METAL The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

* SPEED METAL Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

* CHRISTIAN METAL The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

* GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

*

*BATTLE METAL The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

* NU METAL The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

* EMO The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.

* GRUNGE The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.

* Symphonic Metal Our Hero arrives with the Vienna Philharmonic and sings two arias. The Dragon loses his hearing and the princess is frying eggs.

*Funeral Doom Metal The hero does not turn up. It turns out he already commited suicide. The dragon eats the princess, then dies of food poisoning.

*Avant Garde Metal The Hero teleports to the scene wearing a cloak, some oversized sunglasses and fairy boots. He starts breakdancing and plays a 26 minute saxophone solo. The dragon gets confused and it's head explodes. The princess then turns into another dragon and starts talking in a made up language whilst playing on a game boy that is also a hedgehog.

*Stoner Metal The Hero turns up high. He puffs the magic dragon. Him and the princess then look at shiny objects for the next 4 hours and discuss which Primus album is the best.

*Grunge The hero arrives and starts to complain about how bad his life is and then everyone is so depressed they all o.d. on heroin.

Movie Review - Meet the Spartans - 1/5

Seriously .. what wer the makers of this film thinkin wen they made it ??
For a spoof movie .. the movie, in fact does not hav many actual jokes and instead relies mainly on a lot of pop culture references which many people wudnt consider even remotely funny ..
also some of the funny moments in the film wer over-used, like the overly homosexual spartan soldiers..

if i had to say the movie didnt make me laugh at all, i'd be lying cuz there were a few LoL moments in there ..
but those are too few and only appear in the first half ..
the second half especially the "battles" are all just too stupid ...

i really cant think of any proper words to describe how crappy this movie is ..
so, i'd hav to ask y'all to just check out metacritic for d proper review ..

But if i had to giv one word of advice ... it would be to STAY AWAY from this movie ...
Meet the Spartans is one of those films which could be considered in the worst spoof movie lists, or even worst comedy movie ever lists ..
_|_

After the Dark Knight ..

I just managed to c d Dark Knight for a 3rd time a few days back ..
and, i seriously doubt there can or will ever be a superhero movie better than this 1..

i've never managed to sit thru any superhero flick so far more than once in theatre, yet this one managed to pull me back again n again ..

Needless to say, The joker ws d main reason y i came back for a second viewing ..
but this movie was just so perfectly executed and well written that there isnt anythin much any1 cud ask for ..
for action junkies there r cars blowin up, trucks blowin up, fire trucks on fire, n even entire hospital buildings blowing up !!
while those lookin for deeper stuff also, like me, would find the character of the Joker more than enough to keep one engaged throughout the movie.

In Heath Ledger, the entire film industry has lost one of it's finest actors, who will no doubt be remembered for bringing back to life, one of the most psychotic villians from any comic book movie.


I would seriously feel sorry for the dude who now has to play the role of the Joker in future films cuz he's a helluva huge shoe to fill in ... ^_^

And now that the movie has finally been released, i'm like wonderin ..
cud there be anythin better ??
could the next batman movie or any other action flick beat this ??

i doubt .. :(

but it's always gud 2 hope dat there will always be better films coming up... :)